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The Other Passion of Conner, Chap. 19
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Chapter Nineteen
Crisis of Confidence
 
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The look of shock on people’s faces was getting a bit hard to cope with. Was it really so hard to believe he wanted to help save the environment?

 

Conner thought that over again. Actually, shock might be quite appropriate.

 

“I never thought you’d come,” said Krista, when she’d gotten over the gaping-and-staring part of saying ‘hello’. “I thought you were just . . . I don’t know.”

 

“I told you I cared, didn’t I?” said Conner, ignoring the fact that he hadn’t been planning to come. “No one ever believes me.”

 

“Well, I will in future. Oh, here.” She thrust the sign she was holding at him, waving his protests aside. “It’s alright, I can get another.”

 

That hadn’t exactly been what he was worried about. More that someone he knew would see him waving a banner saying ‘protect our environment’.

 

Krista grabbed his elbow, leading him towards the gathered crowd. “We’ve got a good showing,” she said. “Lots of moms whose kids play here. Not many of your soccer friends, though.”

 

Not any, he was pleased to see. He’d dumped the leaflets in a pile at the entrance to the changing rooms, and a few had disappeared, but not many. They’d probably still be there at their high school reunion.

 

Caught up in searching the crowd for anyone he knew, he missed the girl barreling towards them till she was handing a sign to Krista. She gave him an unfriendly glance, raising an eyebrow at Krista.

 

Krista smiled. “This is the soccer player I told you about, Conner McKnight. Conner, this is my girlfriend, Leanne.”

 

Leanne looked surprisingly normal: not even hippyish, like Krista. Conner thought about asking if she wasn’t violating the lesbian dress code, before deciding it would be a bad idea. “So, uh, how did you guys meet?”

 

“At Rainbow Youth,” said Krista. “It’s a club-slash-support-group for gay teenagers.”

 

“Oh, like AA?”

 

Okay. Judging from the way Krista was now looking at him, that was the wrong thing to say. “I didn’t mean . . . I just meant, you’re a group of people meeting, all with something in common.” He glanced at Leanne, who looked about to laugh. At him?

 

“Conner, are you comparing being gay to having a debilitating, anti-social and potentially life-threatening disease that is a reason for people committing crimes and being violent?”

 

From the way Krista had asked that, he guessed ‘yes’ would be a wrong answer, although technically correct. He hadn’t thought about it like that. “No. Totally not what I meant. I just meant . . . it’s like the soccer team?”

 

Leanne wrinkled her nose. “Being gay is like choosing to run around a pitch chasing a ball? Actually, from what I’ve seen of celebrations after soccer matches, you may have a point.”

 

“Soccer is not—”

 

“Whatever,” said Krista. “The point is, Rainbow Youth isn’t like AA or some dumb soccer team.” Conner gritted his teeth. “Rainbow Youth is about providing support for gay teenagers, and a place to hang out where we know we can be honest about ourselves.”

 

She sounded like she was quoting from a recruitment poster. Leanne rolled her eyes, then jerked her head back at the gathering crowd. “I’m going to go make sure everything’s running smoothly. See you later?”

 

Krista nodded, giving her a small wave. As he watched her go, something occurred to Conner, and he spoke before his brain could tell him it would be a bad idea. “Hey, Krista?” he asked. “How did you know you were a lesbian?”

 

She shoved the end of her sign into the ground, putting her hands on her hips. “Is that what this is all about, the reason you came? Me being a lesbian?”

 

“No!” Why did people have to get offended about everything? “No, I just meant . . . I was curious, that’s all.”

 

She looked at him for a moment longer, then picked up her sign again. “I think the first clue was that I liked other girls.”

 

Which didn’t help at all. “Yeah, but how do you know you like other girls?”

 

“Conner, if you have some dumb idea about lesbians just not having met the right man yet, I would—”

 

“Did I say that? I just want to know. Really.” Searching for something he could say to convince her without giving too much away, he settled on, “I just don’t get how you can decide something like that. How you know.”

 

“How do you know you’re not gay?”

 

That would be the problem. “Um . . . well, I mean, I don’t.” Don’t blush, he told himself firmly. Because it will be totally obvious if you do. “I just don’t get how you can . . . know. I mean, how do you know that you like girls like that? And that what you feel for them isn’t normal?”

 

“Well, what do you feel when you look at girls? What do you like about them?”

 

On the other side of the field, someone started chanting through a loudspeaker. For a moment, Conner thought Krista might go to join them, but she stayed looking at him. He couldn’t decide if he felt relieved or disappointed.

 

“I don’t know,” he said finally. “I like girls. They’re nice.” They did look pretty—most of them—and they generally smelled better than boys, especially better than boys after soccer practice. And they could be fun, and relaxing—though not girls like Krista and Kira, obviously, they were just hard work—but what did he like about them? “I don’t know.”

 

“Oh.” She seemed slightly deflated. “Well, I don’t really either. I just like girls. I mean—” she blushed a little, “I like . . . you know. The whole sex part. And I don’t believe I just said that to you.”

 

“I’m not going to tell anyone!” For starters, it would mean telling people he’d gone to a protest about the environment. There were only so many things his reputation could survive.

 

“It’s still embarrassing. So, that’s how I know. I like girls. Especially Leanne. While I can enjoy male company, I just don’t have any interest in them that way.”

 

The man with the loudspeaker was getting more excited. Krista looked towards him, flashing a brief smile. “Come on. We should go join in.”

 

Conner trailed behind her, still clutching his sign. That had been no help at all. Trent—and everything about him—still seemed as confusing as ever.

 

--

 

Conner stared after Alexi, annoyed and a little hurt. What had that been about? Conner was trying to be friendly. And Alexi just blew him off? Not cool.

 

He turned, wondering whether to go back into the Cyberspace, or wait until Kira and Ethan came out. He’d probably end up telling them what had happened anyway, but for now . . . a little alone time seemed nice.

 

He perched on the bike rack Alexi had been using, leaning against the wall. Kira and Ethan were wrong, anyway. He wasn’t jealous. So what Alexi was good at soccer? Even a ‘soccer-genius’, as Cassidy put it? Conner knew there were people better than him. If he ever turned pro, there’d be plenty better than him, and he’d have to get used to it.

 

It was just that he was the best at Reefside High School. Not some transfer student from who-knew-where.

 

Besides, what did Cassidy know? Super Bowl. She wouldn’t recognize a good soccer player if Pele himself came and ran about in front of her. And Devin wasn’t much better. He’d known it was called a World Cup, but he’d still gone along with Cassidy asking if Reefside would be competing.

 

Actually, Conner was surprised Alexi hadn’t run away faster.

 

“Oh! Conner.”

 

Conner jumped, spinning round to see Trent. The other boy had just walked out of Cyberspace, the doors swinging shut behind him.

 

“What are you doing?” Conner snapped.

 

“Getting some more soy milk. We’re completely out.”

 

“Oh.” He supposed that was a good reason for coming outside. And he hadn’t known Conner would be here, so blaming him for anything wouldn’t really be fair.

 

Trent peered at him closely. “Are you okay? You look a little down.”

 

Funny, since he felt very down. “I’m fine. Shouldn’t you be getting the milk?”

 

Trent hesitated, then sighed. “Yeah. I should. See you, Conner.”

 

Not if Conner could help it.

 

--

 

Conner glared at Trent, who just sat there as if nothing had happened. He wasn’t sure what he wanted Dr. O’s sensors to show—did he want Trent to be guilty, or not?

 

What was he thinking? An evil Red Ranger had never turned up—or an evil Yellow, Blue or Black Ranger. It wasn’t a coincidence this new evil ranger was white. Trent must have helped in his creation somehow, and just conveniently forgotten to tell them, either because he didn’t care about the rangers or because he was still evil.

 

Not to mention that new monster, Terrorsaurus. It looked like a deformed, mutant version of the White Ranger, had the same powers, and apparently belonged to the new White Ranger. Trent had supposedly turned good again so recently, Conner couldn’t believe he hadn’t known, played a part in developing it.

 

Kira looked like she was still struggling with believing it. “Okay, so we barely get one White Ranger under control, and then another one shows up?”

 

No coincidence, Conner wanted to tell her. She turned to Trent before he could. “Any idea who it could be?”

 

“I have no idea.”

 

Yeah, right.

 

Dr. O spun round in his chair to face Kira and Trent. “My sensors show some kind of cloned energy force. It’s probably not even a living being at all.”

 

“Its kick sure felt real.” Still felt real. He didn’t want to think about the colors his ribs would be turning.

 

“I never said he wasn’t real. He’s a threat, all right.”

 

“Well, now that that’s settled, what’s with that Terrorsaurus? Man, he was raggedy,” said Ethan from Dr. O’s other side. Conner scowled at him briefly. Nothing would be settled until they got the truth from Trent.

 

“He’s giving of some of the same readings as the other White Ranger,” said Dr. O. “It’s almost like they were one and the same.”

 

One and the same as Trent. The sight of him sitting there, no one else thinking to ask him what part he played in the arrival of two clones, made Conner want to scream. Trent must have known! He pushed away from the desk, walking towards Trent. “I knew it. You should never have been here in the first place!”

 

Trent stood up. Behind him, he could hear Ethan and Dr. O do the same. Before he could reach Trent, Dr. O put a hand on his shoulder, holding him back. “Not now, Conner.”

 

The words made him fall back more than the hand, they sounded so short and irritated. Dr. O moved past him, not even looking at him. He nodded at Trent instead. “We’re gonna need back-up, big time. Trent, come with me.”

 

Trent looked surprised, but followed at Dr. O’s command of, “Let’s go.”

 

Conner stared after them, unable to believe it. Two evil White Ranger clones appeared, and Dr. O just decided to take Trent on some special mission with him? Trent, who had been on the team about a week? “Why not me?” he protested. “Or one of the others?”

 

Dr. O glanced back, still leading Trent towards the exit, his hand on Trent’s shoulder. “You’ll have your role to play in this, Conner. Trust me.” Easy for him to say, when he was going off with Trent. Doing that wasn’t about to make Conner believe in his good sense. “Right now, I need Trent,” Dr. O continued. “Keep an eye on the city, and call us if that thing returns.” He turned back to Trent. “Come on.”

 

Conner watched them go. That was it? Dr. O was going on some mysterious mission and taking Trent with him, and all he could say was for the to watch the city and call for help?

 

Conner was the Red Ranger. That meant Conner was supposed to be the leader. But then, what was the point of him now Trent was here? Trent was more powerful, and apparently just like Dr. O—starting evil, turning good, also wearing one of Dr. O's ranger colors.

 

If this mission was so important, Dr. O could have asked Conner to go. Even Conner and Trent. It didn’t need three people to stare at a screen and yell for help. Hell, Hayley could have done that.

He grabbed his bag, ignoring Kira and Ethan’s questioning looks. “I’m not staying here,” he told them. “I’m going to soccer practice.”

 

--

 

Alexi was there. Of course. Not only was Alexi there, but he was playing well—almost like the soccer genius Cassidy had called him. He played like Conner did.

 

Someone slashed the ball, sending it flying towards Conner. He caught it as Alexi jogged after it, holding out his hands for the ball. Well, Kira had said he should try being friendly again. “Hey. Nice kick. Can you—”

 

Alexi grabbed the ball, barely looking at him, and jogged back out to where the others waited.

As soon as he’d seen Conner, Rob had started jogging towards him. Conner braced himself as the other boy approached. Not that he didn’t like Rob, but . . . well, Rob was a jerk.

 

“Hey, McKnight! Get in here!”

 

Conner hesitated. He should. He’d missed so many practices lately he needed to, even if this was more a kick-about than a formal training session. But watching Alexi play, soccer suddenly seemed less attractive. He’d been looking forward to this all day. “Maybe later.”

 

Rob shrugged, following his eyes to Alexi. “He’s good,” he said. “Better be careful or you might find yourself replaced.”

 

Rob was a jerk. Unfortunately, he was also right. Conner bent down to his bag as Rob ran off. “We’ll see about that.” Alexi was good, but not that good. Besides, you needed more than one decent striker on a team. He should be grateful he had someone to play up front with.

 

He dug through his bag, wondering whether he could get away without changing his jeans. He’d just found his shin pads when there was a familiar bleep.

 

He looked down to see his communicator flashing, and wondered what Dr. O would do if he just threw it away.

 

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